


(i know now) love is a dangerous blues

by theyoungv_eins



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Blood, Death (but not for long), Hurt/Comfort, I think?, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 10:19:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14714211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyoungv_eins/pseuds/theyoungv_eins
Summary: Ianto has had guns pressed against his head. He's seen some of the most terrifying things the universe has to offer.But nothing he's ever seen scares him more than the thought of losing Jack does.--Jack dies. And just like every time before, Ianto is scared that it'll be forever.





	(i know now) love is a dangerous blues

**Author's Note:**

> title is from [dangerous blues by the young veins](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtcPVS2ko7E) (surprise!)

Ianto's hands are sticky with blood - dark and pungent. Blood from where he had been desperately pressing at the massive slash marks on Jack's side, and that was now smeared all over his hands, his suit, his heart.

In this moment, it's the only thing he can focus on. How it oozes out of Jack's body and pools onto the concrete beneath him. And the _stench_. God, it's all he can smell. It's all he can see. There's so much of it. Thick, and dark, and _horrible_.

He's there for what feels like forever, hunched over his boss' now-lifeless body. It's been... It's been too long. He hasn't come back yet — why hasn't he come back yet?

"No, no no no, Jack," Ianto hisses, "you— you _can't_."

He reaches over to touch Jack's face. The blood on Ianto's hands leaves smears all over his cheeks and his neck.

Ianto has had guns pressed against his head. He's seen some of the most terrifying things the universe has to offer.

But nothing he's ever seen scares him more than the thought of losing Jack does.

Jack is his boss. His companion, lover, whatever you want to call it. He's his _captain_.

He... He loves him. Even after Lisa, when he swore to himself that he'd never fall again.

God, how could he be so stupid?

It's not until Jack shoots up, taking in that first gasping breath (and nearly headbutting Ianto on the way), that Ianto lets himself cry.

He _sobs_ , really. He curls his fists into Jack's shirt. Presses his face into his chest, and cries.

It hurts. Every time Jack dies, it hurts. How could he ever get used to it?

Sometimes, he just wishes he could feel nothing at all. Because how could he handle losing Jack, as well? He watched as Lisa was ripped away from him. The one person he loves more than anything died right in front of him.

Now, he watches as the second person dies over and over and _over_ again, in some of the most horrendous ways he can think of. He's seen him die in ways he never even thought were possible.

He let himself love Jack, knowing full well what could happen to him in their line of work. And then, he let himself continue to love him, even though he knew that he might have to see him die time and time again.

Now, it seems like he sees Jack die at least twice a week.

In this moment, they're both just a mess of flailing limbs. Jack, desperately grabbing at Ianto's shoulders, and Ianto looking for any part of Jack to take a hold of and never let go.

"Ianto," Jack gasps. "Ianto, it’s alright."

It feels like all Ianto wants to do is scream. "I thought— I thought you were gone."

There's a moment of quiet. Ianto looks at Jack through teary eyes. Jack looks back.

Ever the suave man he always is, Jack flashes him a smile. "Gonna take a lot more than that to get rid of me." His voice is soft. Reassuring.

Ianto kisses him. It's hardly graceful; their noses slam into each other painfully and it tastes almost entirely of iron. But it's a kiss, nonetheless.

He starts to feel real again.

"So," Jack starts slowly, pulling away. His hand is on Ianto’s cheek. Real. "Are we going to spend all night out here on the pavement, or...? "

Ianto smiles at him. "No. Of course not, sir."

"As much as I _love_ the idea of a strapping young Welshman such as yourself hovering over me in a dark alley."

Ianto holds back a scoff, wiping the tears from his face. Seems like no matter how many times Jack dies, he always stays the same. "Right."

They stumble to their feet together, nearly falling over themselves at least twice.

It's not until they're finally back in the SUV that Ianto finally lets himself breathe. He curls his fingers tight around the steering wheel and just _breathes_ , and Jack doesn't say anything.

"Right," Ianto says, finally. "Shall we get going, then?"

**Author's Note:**

> wowee, my first torchwood/janto fic!!  
> never thought i'd actually finish one in this lifetime  
> i wish i was a little bit better at writing, but my thoughts are so often all over the place that i get them all muddled up when i try to write them down :( 
> 
> thank you for reading!! comments/kudos/bookmarks/etc. mean a lot!! ;-* 
> 
> find me on [tumblr](http://wefllag-n.tumblr.com), if you'd like?


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